this beer tastes like vomit already
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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