just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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