Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
