I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
