I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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