I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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