As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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