S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
