Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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