I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
