It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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