I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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