On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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