Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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