the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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