I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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