it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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