now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
