apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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