I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
