You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
