Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
