Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
