hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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