he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
