you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's get the cat blown out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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