Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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