Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
