the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
