i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
