Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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