she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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