Nicole vs. Life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
