Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
