he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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