He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
