my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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