I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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