help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
