Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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