I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
