Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
