its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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