party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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