Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
