i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
