Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
