i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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