He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
