You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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