I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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