My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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