I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
