The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
