He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
